(A special word to my ladies out there who wish so desperately they were in this same position, who want more than anything to announce their own pregnancies and babies. To my friends who have struggled endlessly when it seemingly comes so easy for others. To those who have lost hope & cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. To you I say, I love you. I hear you, I stand with you, I’m hopeful for you, and I’m praying for you. I’ve been where you are. You are not forgotten and you are not alone. Here’s to talking about the hard things, whatever they may be, and uniting together as women, in whatever stage we may find ourselves. “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1))
To be honest, I’ve been sitting on this post for a few weeks now, afraid to hit publish. I don’t really feel that I’m a very good writer, and especially for such a life-altering event, I wish I had the ability to perfectly express in words how truly wonderful and beautiful and hard this experience has been. I’ve found writing everything down to be challenging, partly for lack of time, and partly for lack of brain power (#teamnosleep). However, I’m finally pressing publish anyway and not letting my fear of inadequacy and imperfection get in the way of sharing our story 🙂 Introducing –> Sophia June Wright.
(^^skin-to-skin, post-surgery. the best cuddles ever.^^)
Sophia was born on January 13th, 2017, at 8:17 am, weighing 6 lbs 9 oz and measuring 19 inches long. Because the ultrasounds showed that she was breech, one week previous to that day, we’d decided with our doctor that I’d go in that morning for a external cephalic version to try and flip the baby. If it proved to be successful, they would induce immediately after. If not successful, an OR was booked so that she could be born via caesarean. Statistically, we were told it was a 50/50 shot. Brig and I were hopeful the version would work, but at peace with whichever way Sophie needed to come into this world. We arrived at the hospital at 5:30 am to get prepped. I was terrified of getting the epidural and sooo nervous. I couldn’t stop shaking and that made me even more nervous because you have to stay completely still. Luckily, it went fine and within a matter of seconds, my lower body was totally numb. (Science, man. Isn’t it crazy?!) My doctor made three attempts to move the baby and little Sophie didn’t budge a single inch. So, I was very quickly wheeled to a prepped OR. It all happened so fast – we’d only been at the hospital for less than 3 hours and we were going to meet our baby!! Though my memories from our days in the hospital are very hazy (#hydrocodone), I do remember the sweet moment the doctor held Sophie up over the curtain. Brig and I immediately burst into tears. We had a baby (!!!) and she was here and safe and okay and healthy and perfect! After she was cleaned off, she was brought over to me and we snuggled cheek-to-cheek for a precious few moments before they started to put me back together again. Her cute newborn cries subsided as our faces touched for the first time. My heart grew a million sizes as I soaked up her soft, soft cheeks and sweet spirit. We were meeting for the first time, yet it really felt like we had been together forever. Over and over in my head I kept thinking, “it was you all along.” There really are no words to describe what it’s like to meet your baby. It’s the most beautiful, wonderful, miraculous thing!! I wish I could relive it over and over and over again.
(^^those cheeks!!! definitely mama’s girl.^^)
So then there’s the really hard postpartum stuff. Those days in the hospital were intense. I was in so much pain, more than I’d ever before experienced. The medication was heavy and the side effects frustrating. I was physically incapable of doing a lot of things myself and that was incredibly humbling. Brig was the one to help me do literally everything – sit up, turn, stand, walk, go to the bathroom, shower. He did all of the swaddling and diaper changing and runs to the snack room to grab ice chips and mini boxes of Lucky Charms for snacking. I felt more grateful and in love with him than ever before and even still, I am so amazed at his patience, love, and care for both me and our Sophia. Recovery from c-section has been tough, harder than I could have ever anticipated. The first three weeks, I think, were the most difficult. I felt like anyone but myself and, for the life of me, could not stop crying. I apologized to Brig over and over for being such a hormonal basket case, and he was always so kind to tell me that I was really doing just fine 🙂 By the end of three weeks, it felt like a fog had lifted. I felt a little more confident, a little stronger, and a little more capable of handling my emotions and everything that was going on around me. Thankfully, I had lots of help and support and my body has healed quickly. We’re almost at the 6 week mark (how is time passing so fast??) and I feel really good. We go on a walk every day for a couple of miles and that feels wonderful. Thinking about how I couldn’t even get out of bed by myself just a little over a month ago is, again, very humbling, and I’m really grateful and amazed at what my body has been capable of. I’m also really thankful for a sunny, warm Texas winter for this postpartum period; it helps keep morale & sanity high 🙂
Even with all the difficulty of our time in the hospital, there is a little halo around those memories in my mind. That time was so precious and special in all its difficulty and newness and intensity.
(^^this is from when we FaceTimed my dad in the hospital, hence why we’re not looking at the camera ;)^^)
Sophie is the sweetest little girl. She is a curious, alert, bright-eyed baby. She’s had the strongest neck ever since she was born and loves to look around. She loves diaper changes & bath time. She gets the funniest confused look on her face as we wash her little body – it’s the cutest. And can we talk about that sweet newborn smell? I never want it to go away!! She loves the sound of the sink running and being snuggled inside big, soft, warm blankets. She loves having her hands by her face at all times and has the most adorable head of soft, fuzzy brown hair; it’s thickest in the back, kinda like a mullet 😉 Passing gas is a veeery traumatic experience for her and every time it happens, she wails, and it’s the saddest thing! She’s still in newborn diapers and newborn clothes, and part of me just wants her to stay this tiny forever and ever! She is so so wiggly and her long little legs and toes make me so happy. She has the sweetest lips and the most adorable nose. Though we really don’t have any semblance of a schedule other than eat-wake-sleep-repeat, she’s starting to sleep in longer stretches at night which is wooonderful. The whole sleep deprivation thing is a serious trip. Everyone tells you that “you’ll be so tired” and “you’ll never sleep again” and that all really doesn’t compute until it actually happens, haha! I’ve never been so tired in my life. Throw in the raging hormones and things get a little interesting 🙂
We’ve really struggled with nursing, but I hope and pray and keep trying every day to make it work for us. Breastfeeding is one of those secret challenges, sorta like infertility, I think. So many women struggle with it, but quietly. Once you bring it up, though, women start coming out of the woodwork sharing their own stories. I’ve been so grateful for the many women who have supported us in our quest to figure out this whole lactation thing.
(^^week #1 snuggles at home while watching Finding Dory – I didn’t change out of my bathrobe for days!! haha^^)
There’s so much more I want to say, but for now, this is just a little sneak peek into our first several weeks. Some days are better than others. My uterus is crampy and my eye-bags a very nice shade of purple and the postpartum acne is REAL and I’ve had too many plugged milk ducts to count. Some days there is time for a shower and some days there isn’t even time for deodorant. Some nights, crap hits the fan and we realize we’re way in over our heads. So we cry and we pray and we keep trying and keep going because it’s so worth it. Because this, this life right here, is what we have wanted for so long. Sophia is our world. Though this past month and a half has been a real rollercoaster, we have never felt so unbelievably happy. It is a true blessing to be your mama, sweet girl. We love you!